Peaches - I Feel Cream (2009)

If I was the teacher of a pole dancing class, this record would soundtrack my every lesson. These beats are SAH-vere! But whereas the cover is outlandish and effervescent, the music within is actually very lifeless. The entire affair is disappointingly listless.

At the beginning, it seems dangerous and sexy. It loses momentum quickly though and becomes nauseatingly repetitive. “So sexual, so conceptual”. She uses phrases like “come on”, beckoning hollow headed bimbos to shake their double Ds. What could have been ONE novel idea, is stretched beyond thrill like an elasticised love hole.

“Talk To Me” stands out, but perhaps because it actually sounds melodic. It doesn’t just fall back on a relentless drum machine. Peaches wants to make Lady GaGa look like Taylor Swift, but GaGa can change skins. I Feel Cream has as much range as a cupboard. The first half is passably polished and sleek, but in the second half it takes a nose dive off a skyscraper.

"Gonna cut this party down to size, gonna crush it with my thighs." Fucking shit.

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